The Right Way To Have a Foster Shower

Many families get it painfully wrong.

Courtesy of the author

Every time I see a post or a story about someone hosting a “foster shower,” I cringe. I can’t help it.

What is a foster shower? Ostensibly, it’s an effort to welcome a new child into a foster home. Or it’s a way for family and friends to offer support to a soon-to-be-growing family. Gifts are common, as with baby showers, plus gift cards and money for the coming expenses.

There is often some sort of toast. Or cake. Or some ritualized way of congratulating the family, as one might if the family was giving birth to a baby.

If there’s a child already in the home, there will likely be a telling of the child’s story, complete with as many invasive and gruesome details as possible. Count on at least one guest to shake ahead and offer a solemn, “You’re such a blessing for those kids.”

There will be no mention of loss. No acknowledgment that this moment of growing one family means the disruption of another. There will be no enthusiastic hopes pinned on the child’s successful reunification with their parents.

Someone will call you Mommy or Daddy, and everyone else will smile.

Just writing that made my skin crawl.